I know this will be hard for some of you to understand, but I’m going to make it as plain as I can without all the writer’s “fluff”. I am coming out, I am confessing. No more secrets, or hidden sins.
I am a white female born in 1963. I grew up in the Midwest, and just a little under middle class. My parents were divorced. My mother was never racist or biased nor did she pass that on to me. My Mother attended a Protestant church, and I was baptized at age 10, mostly out of fear of going to hell when I died. I confess, I did not understand then what it meant to live a Christian life.
My mother remarried, and after six years of marriage my step father slipped and fell down our basement stairs and died in our home. My mother quickly comforted us with food.  This love of comfort food and flavor, attributed to the childhood obesity and the adult obesity I still battle.
I spent more time in the principles office than the classroom. I spent many hours in the counselors office as well. I was picked on and bullied by a handful of peers all through school and I fought them with fists and anger. My mother and I were looked at biasedly and talked about, by many adults. Divorce, remarriage and poverty at those times weren’t acceptable, even amongst some church folks.
I am coming out, I confess from the time I was 10 until I was 30-ish, I lived the life of a victim, a rebel, and a slave.

I was never arrested. I spent time in places and with people who were arrested. I was in situations where I had no business being. I had love relationships with a couple of men that had records. When one of those relationships turned sour, I found myself needing protection. I had one police officer who had known me all my life, he went to church with me and tried to help me. The rest had dealt with women like me before, who stayed in those bad relationships, but then called the police every other week.  I confess, I didn’t respect their authority or take their advice. All I did was live life on the edge of disrespect, challenging their position. I confess, I didn’t respect myself.
There were people who tried to play helpful roles in my life. I confess, I was too angry, too hurt, and too oppressed to acknowledge and accept their help. I confess, I was too proud to admit I was broken and needed help. I confess, that I harbored hatred towards the people who bullied and stereotyped me. I was even mad at God.

I didn’t want anyone telling me what to do!…..

and then something changed inside me…..

I drew closer to God and walked more obediently in HIS path. I stopped being concerned with those biased haters in life. I took the initiative to change my thinking, my attitude, my actions. I took responsibility for me. I didn’t look to anyone for a hand-out or special treatment, but appreciated, respected and accepted good help. I stopped harboring blame and hatred. I stopped seeing my old behavior as correct.

I confess,  I am still obese. I am not wealthy. I am white. I am a faithful follower and believer in Jesus Christ, and apply the wisdom of the bible to my life, I am not perfect.  I confess, I now respect authority and I respect myself. I no longer put myself in situations that could raise suspicions about my activity or my character. And ironically, I married a man that after 22 months together became a cop.

So…. once again I am in a position where other’s are biased against me, and I am stereotyped……but I confess, I will no longer be angry, or live life as a victim, a slave or a blamer.

I will come out! I will confess. I will be free!

Would you like to join me and…. Come Out?