A sweet, old gentleman walked through our door and into my heart. We were introduced and while Hubs got a few last minute class notes together, I got to know this man. Our time was short, but he was very transparent. He quickly shared what was on his heart after I asked, “How was your Thanksgiving?”
This man was once a husband who deeply treasured his marriage and wife. She had passed two years before, but he kept her memory alive and with him by placing her ashes on his mantle. His children begged him to come eat Thanksgiving dinner with them, and he has several children and grand- children whom he adores, but he wanted to stay home, alone with his wife.

I’m not sure what that day was like for him. I offered my sincere condolences and left him with an attempt at encouragement by saying, that I was sure his family missed him that day, but that they understood. I then headed out the door for work.

As I drove my mind went in several directions regarding this sweet man. Grief is a natural emotion; to mourn over the loss of someone is purely how our hearts and souls were designed. However, I have observed that the grief experienced from the loss of a spouse or a child is bitterly more intense than any other loss, but  all is heart breaking. As I arrived at work and shut the car off, my mind stayed on this thought; it was highly possible his actions that day may have caused more grief within the hearts of his children and grandchildren. Not only had they lost the female patriarch of the family, now they must learn to deal with the absence of the father and grandfather that they love. He may have been perfectly comforted by his actions, but quite possibly he only added a deeper sadness to his heart as the day progressed.

It is not a new concept that our grief over our lost loved ones can put us through pure hell during the holidays. But I will share a different scenario that I played out in my mind for this family, one that may have eased the pain for each of them. It is one of several that I myself practice often, while grieving over my lost loved ones during the holidays: Music filling the house, along with the comforting smells of good food coming from the oven. Several family members gathered, each with a task of setting the table, or preparing a dish, a group toast to all, while each one remembers and speaks about the fondest memory they have of the one that has passed. A mixture of gentle tears and light laughter spilling out, tied together with loving hugs. All the while each person is present enjoying the company of the living…never to waste a moment together as this could be the last.

Join me as we grieve together…remembering those gone while building up, encouraging, consoling and pointing those grieving around us in a forward motion. May we not live in mourning, but allow healing and restoration to come through the joy of honoring the memory of those gone. Celebrating those memories with the living, bringing to all a hope for the future.

“Jesus, restore our wounded hearts, fill the void within us with your love, your mercy, your forgiveness and your healing…let not our hearts and souls die here on earth overcome with grief therefore robbing ourselves and others of joy, peace and hope…again Lord, restore to us true communion with you and our present loved ones, while we wait to be joined in heaven with those we have lost. In Jesus name Amen.”