Driving my sweet Gbaby for ice cream, she sits in the backseat chatting a mile a minute in a fairly loud voice. As we pulled into a parking spot, her octave comes down a notch and she tells me that she had been bullied at school. Without taking a breath she explains to me that she is going to say a bad word, but that she has to in order to tell me what happened. Did I mention she’s five! Before she gets to the bad word part, I am cringing, my face tense expecting the worst word ever, because honestly and unfortunately we aren’t always the best examples. And then there it was….”stupid.” A boy had pushed her down the slide when she wasn’t ready and he called her stupid. Whew! my face relaxed.
We don’t want our little ones to mimic our negative behavior or speech. But how many of us really see our behavior or speech as negative? My mother never did. When my son was learning to talk, his first word was two words but rushed together… Oh _hit! We only knew this is what he was saying because his little arm made a sweeping motion as his mouth came wide open. Just like his Grammie’s when she dropped something on the floor, or when she suddenly remembered she’d forgotten something. Of course we had all heard her lectures on don’t do as I do, do as I say….but did she want her lil grandson to say that!!?
As aware parents we tried and failed at using alternate words to say…like Oh Snap! or Dang! or Flipping! We were told these are just as bad as the real words. Well for a long time I disagreed and then changed my tune after hearing other people say these foul sounding alternates. This became very clear again recently. Hubs and I were walking around enjoying the outdoor section of a museum and we came across a courtyard where the pleasant sounds of children playing filled the air. Suddenly echoing off the surrounding walls we heard a woman’s voice above the chatter yell “are you freaking kidding me!!” Our eyes were immediately drawn in that direction as a child about age ten stood embarrassed and desperately holding back a flood of tears as her mother bashed her in public, over an accident. The child had been taking a picture and dropped her cell phone into the fairly deep, murky large pond. The mother might as well of said the original word, as the alternate sounded just as foul. Luckily, for me Hubs put his hand over my mouth and took my arm guiding me away from the courtyard….not really, but I did feel a heavy heart as we turned to walk away because I was reminded that not always were my own parenting reactions to mere accidents always pleasant.
I know we don’t always realize it but, all ears and eyes are on us. Do we want our children or grandchildren repeating what we say? Or even doing what we do?
Join me and remind ourselves “Don’t say that!”
“Father, let us be aware of any underlying issues of the heart that may be causing our negative speech. Let us also be mindful of the bad habits we have gotten into that have rubbed off from those around us. Guide our speech and actions to be like yours. Let us never point an accusing finger, but to look inward. In Jesus name Amen.”