Our patio is cramped. I have a combination of area’s; eating, lounging/fire pit and grilling all on one narrow slab of concrete. We are like most married couple’s who own a home, we have dreams, ideas, plans and ….lists. And like couples who work full time we squeeze in overtime, college, church, family and community.  When the paycheck has a little extra, the hours to work on a project are none. When one spouse is available to tackle something…the other isn’t. Truthfully, this emotional, perfectionist/control freak spouse doesn’t want the other book smart, common sense poor spouse to do anything unless I tell him how. My journey to emotional recovery is long, but I’m on it!

This payday we had some patio money thanks to Hubs. I had two days off without a call for rain. Hubs has no pick-up truck I sold it and bought an SUV with a third row of seats but I put an old sheet in the back and I headed to Lowes. They give a military discount! My quest…to fill in the sandy circle in our yard where the old swimming pool used to be. The neighbor cat’s couldn’t believe the Bird Lady built them a giant litter box! Well this was about to end, and the sandy area is becoming a bricked over fire pit area! Did I have blue prints…no. Did I follow a tutorial….no. Did I watch HGTV…..sort of. Did I pin it on PINTEREST….a little. Did I Git’er’done…..yep! I got the Honey Don’t part done, now Hubs can tackle the Honey Do. I honestly, did the hard part, I unloaded and laid the blocks on the somewhat level sand. As I worked, the sweat fell into my eyes, and the sun was burning up my skin. Hey, this girl needs a tan, so why not get it for free! I text the family, and told them if I died doing this, promise not to laugh at my less than amateur job. Remember I’m a Jack of All Trades, and a Master of None. After looking at the almost finished task, I realized some of the blocks weren’t as level as I wanted them. By now my back was asking me why I hated it, and wanted it to break. As I walked across the area, it wasn’t perfect and for a moment I stood wiping sweat and wrestled with taking all 50 of them off and trying to level the sand again. I then realized IF this project took me any longer, the rest of my “Honey Do” list wasn’t going to get finished before all the rain started. I decided to leave it unleveled, forget perfectionism all it ever got me was a complex. Instead I’ll just enjoy the character of the block work done by my own hand and hope nobody trips!

An SUV can only hold so many heavy concrete blocks, so I had to make several trip’s. When I needed more and our local store was out, I then had to make a trip to another store. All the while I’m holding off on eating lunch, thinking I’m about to finish this and then I can sit and eat. Inside Lowes I begin to get light headed, as I passed the patio furniture area I was tempted to sit a minute. But I forged on and dug in my purse for a snack, but had none..nothing, not even a mint! As I drove home, I struggled with dizziness but I stepped on the gas and passed all the fast food joints up. After all I am on the healthy eating weight loss journey too! When I got home, I drank a protein shake and some water which perked me up. I then gave myself a pat on my breaking back for not caving to the greasy fries and sweet coke at McDs.

As I finished, I talked to God. I thanked him for Hubs, his health, and his ability to earn vital income. I thanked him for the hot sunshine and refreshing breezes. My heart filled with an abundant gratefulness, I couldn’t stop praising God and thanking him. Instead of grumbling, complaining and thinking negatively which would of lead to an angry, resentful emotional breakdown. I made a choice to fill my heart and mind with praise, worship, thanksgiving. Which in turn brought me peace and healing. I was being stirred by the Spirit, not shaken by my negative emotion’s, or the situation.

Day two, still choosing to be Spirit filled and feeling calm, I marked everything off my Honey Do list and headed to a meeting. Driving in 5 o’clock traffic is slightly risky, with bumper to bumper traffic. I rounded a corner and picked up speed when a guy in a car pulled out right in front of me. I mean all that was between us was a breath. Not my breath…mine was trapped inside my chest, but my mouth was gaping open. I jerked my right hand up and off the steering wheel to cover my face …I’m sure I looked like I’d just saw Godzilla! I slammed on the break, and he slid right passed. No dirty words came out of my mouth, and not even a male hater thought entered my head. I just continued to drive…and kept praising the Lord!

Today, my muscles are sore but I am not broken! My emotions didn’t get out of control, and I got my Honey Do list for those two days got accomplished. It’s super nice to write about success on this long journey to emotional recovery!

Join me….as we put Thanksgiving and Praise on the Honey Do list, and leave grumbling, complaining and negative thinking on the Honey Don’t list!

“Lord, thank you for the many blessings you shower on us as we walk this journey of emotional recovery. May we always look to you for strength, courage and wisdom. In Jesus name Amen.”