It was a hurried Friday morning in the Mahan house. I needed to start getting ready for work, but I was at my desk writing, creating and trying to beat the clock. My emotions were in a funk and had been for a couple weeks. I was struggling with a comment that had been made to me a few weeks back, regarding my make-up. As soon as it was spoken, I questioned silently, rather than verbally…. “what do you mean by that?” And over the course of a week I tossed it around, played it back a zillion times, tried to reason with it and accept it as just a suggestion and not a critical stab. In the meantime I bought some new mascara and eye shadow….which meant I did not process that comment in a positive manner, I felt inadequate, unbecoming and basically I let it….shake…me.
So Friday morning, I’m applying the new make-up quickly, as Hubs paces waiting to drive me to work and keep the car for his errands and I get a text from the offender. A non related text, but it needed a reply. Now, notice…. the phone. It’s with me in the bathroom, bedroom, closet, kitchen and everywhere I go I always have my phone in hand. I am either texting, talking, Facebooking, snapping photo’s for Instagram or for the website, getting photo’s of sunset or sunrise…and….. the selfie!
As I made my way to the car carrying three bags; shoes, lunch, purse and cell phone. I placed the bags in the back seat, holding my phone I was thinking; I needed to send my offender a text and take a selfie…you know to see how the new make-up looked. Obsessing about my looks and distracted by my phone, I slammed the door shut…..enclosing my left index finger! Instantly, I broke the sound barrier, grabbed the handle with my good hand and opened, releasing a bloody mess. For the life of me I can’t recall which hand my phone was in now….but I wish I had smashed it and not my finger!! And if I had a caring husband, he would open car doors for me and smash his fingers and not my perfectly manicured ones!
As I sat in the ER waiting to be stitched up. I was thanking God for not leaving me in the midst of my pain and sin. Knowing I’m right handed, he allowed the left to take the injury and I got to keep my finger. I was deeply and immediately ashamed of my language at the scene, and the anger that followed. I was angry at my stupidity, the person who made the hurtful comment, and angry with my husband for his jarhead “just put a band aid on it” comment. I was also ashamed of my obsession with my looks and the addiction to my cell phone. Basically, it boils down to this “I got no selfie control.” At this point I just wanted my Mommy, a cheeseburger, fries and a shake.
Join me….let us not be caught up in unimportant things, comments and situations of this world as they will fade, change, and pass… they are not lasting. Keep our minds, hearts and mouths positive, even when we are in pain.
“Father, we desire to control our emotions not to let them control us, and we thank you for the ability you gave us to do so… now give us strength and wisdom to put that ability into practice.” In Jesus name Amen.