The morning is sunny, and I have yet to step outside. Instead I am trying to tame all the thoughts in my head with a whip and a chair. I am also getting ready to jump into some very cold water for Special Olympics. As I think and pray on things to write, and catch up on emails my mind rests on the title Don’t Ask If You Don’t Want To Know. This title takes me down the road of my self body image as I squeeze into some exercise type clothing. My mind also has collected conversations from several this past few weeks who didn’t have a problem with speaking their minds.
Age ten is when I started becoming overweight and physical activity ceased. TV and snacks became my life, and fast food was introduced. Mother and I went through a tragic , the death of her husband. Quickly she medicated herself with alcohol and comforted me with goodies. Learning to cook for two or having the desire to cook became difficult tasks to manage. Fast food places were coming up all around us and we often frequented them in place of a balanced nutritious home cooked meal. Unaware of what was happening I gained weight, got chubby, fluffy, pudgy, fat and ended up being the brunt of everyone’s jokes and rude hurtful comments. All my life I have struggled with acknowledging the reasoning, and changing the habits.
What do you say to others when they don’t look like what you think they should look like? What words come out of your mouth, or roll around in your brain the minute you see an overweight person, who may even be dressed in tight clothes?
I hear what some say, “what is she thinking putting that on” and “wow, now that’s a big girl”, “Fat People Aren’t Sexy”. I also know what some are thinking as I too catch myself from time to time comparing my big girl self to another.
All my life I have been surrounded by “outspoken” women and men. I love them, I’m drawn to them, I am one of them.
Join me as we find the desire to change our inner rebel attitude from “Don’t Ask If You Don’t Want to Know” to “Be Kind, Be Truthful Without Prejudice, With Love”.
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